A Pointless Non Sequitor Post on Mystery Bruises

About 8 seconds ago I found a quarter size bruise on the side of my forearm. (Why I felt obligated to blog about it is completely beyond me.) Nothing of any consequence, just a bruise. But bruises for me are 86.4% of the time a source of great confusion. A general “Where did you come from, little bruise? I don’t remember you happening.” I believe, for most people, bruising is a memorable experience – walking into something, dropping something, being punched in the face – that sort of thing. And while I do frequently walk into tables and chairs and small animals, which I usually remember, it is those little mystery bruises that warrant answers. When did I bruise the side of my forearm? How did I bruise the side of my forearm? Why is it a near perfect circle?

As I type this, cross-legged with my laptop on my lap, I just spotted a bruise on my leg. It’s sort of rectangular. I’d like some answers for that one. It’s not an obvious place for a bruise, and it’s a bit difficult to walk into something that is below table level but above small animal level. Where did you come from?

Sure, I enjoy life’s little mysteries just like the rest of us — why is the sky blue? Mommy, where do babies come from? How exactly did Michael Jackson moonwalk? How precisely does the internet work? — but mystery bruises are far more frequent and I’d really like to know where they come from. Seriously.

So I ask this of you, friends. If you see me walk into something, kindly inform me of it, so I may have an answer to a future potential mystery bruise. However, if I yell “OW! F**K!” you can be pretty sure I’ll be aware of the source of that future bruise, so no need to point it out.

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